god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
