I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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