you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
