i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
