Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
