i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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