whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
