he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
