i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
