I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
