We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
