I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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