i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
