Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this will be a night to untag.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
