my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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