Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize