I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
