I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
MIDGETS
????
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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