You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
