I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
