As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
