i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
