you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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