As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
