i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
