My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize