I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
