Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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