My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
