You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
