I'm going to jail i love you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
