I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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