I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
