i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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