Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
