Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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