Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
