Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
