White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
