You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Come see our sink grown plant.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
