i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
