Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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