Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
