can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
