I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
