haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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