Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize