i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
