he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
