lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
