Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
