My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
