I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
