Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize