...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
