hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
