He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
