I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
