I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
