I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am available for nakedness
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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