none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
