I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
