Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
