I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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