i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
