Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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